Monday, August 21, 2006

The blogging equivalent of purging and binging.

Two weeks of nothing, and then two posts in one day.

I just couldn't pass this up; I think it's hilarious. I read about it first on Earl, Interrupted!, and then as I was doing my own, I found a number of other sites featuring the same game.

Here's how you play: Google your name and the word "needs," all in quotation marks (ie: "Becky needs"), then share the ten funniest hits.

1. Becky needs a bullet in her head.
2. Becky needs a psychiatrist.
3. Becky needs to be given proper credit.
4. Becky needs more friends because she's so lonely.
5. Becky needs individualized attention and specialized help.
6. Becky needs to blackmail a friend to get information about her blind date.
7. Becky needs a new wardrobe.
8. Becky needs sex.
9. Becky needs to contact you, please.
10. Becky needs a nap.

It's like a little self-contained story.

Becky is depressed and sometimes believes that a bullet to the brain is the answer. Because of this belief, she is trying to get help. She and her psychiatrist ultimately determine that she's depressed because she is never given proper credit for her hard work. The solution: make more friends and continue seeing the shrink for additional help along the way. In an effort to begin her emotionally-healthy lifestyle, she makes some new friends... and promptly sets out to blackmail one who was kind enough to set her up on a date. Blackmail or not, she is excited about her date and realizes that she simply must have something new to wear because it's been a while and she is horny. Like most women, after she and her date consummate their lust, she gets clingy and demands a phone number from her man. The events come full circle when she arrives again at depression after seven unreturned phone calls and one hastily-written e-mail in which her man declares he'll be living in Yemen for an undisclosed amount of time; she can do nothing but sleep and eat Ben & Jerry's.

And the little curly-haired girl lives happily ever after.

Thanks, Google!


Annie said...

Hi. My name is Annie and I am a teacher.

...and I steal ideas from Becky's Blog for my Creative Writing class...

...and sometimes I am tempted to claim them as my own.

Earl said...

I love that you wrote a story for your top ten search results....damn you! You Trumped me!

Touché, my friend, touché.


Luke said...

You know, the only Ben and Jerry's left in all of Indiana now is in the Belterra Casino in Belterra, IN. All the others have been shut down. Not to bring you down after living happily ever after and all.

gawilli said...

I tried this but it wasn't nearly as exciting as yours! Most of the results were about gene therapy. The funniest one led me to the blog of another Gene who had done the same thing and come up with some pretty funny results. My number 10 was "Perhaps our orignal definition of gene needs updating!" Hmm.

Melanie said...

lol I LOVE what Annie wrote! Becky, your blog always has the best content. I am going to Google what I need asap.

I bet it will say:
"Melanie needs Becky Scherer to blog more."

Brandy said...

I took your advice...number one "Brandy needs" Google hit: "Brandy NEEDS to get her full props." HELLZ YEAH!(p.s. "needs" was in all caps - I'm not just doing that for effect)