For what it's worth........

I'm back.

My slump has lasted long enough-- I've been making a real effort lately to bring myself out of it, and while it hasn't lifted completely, it's definitely gotten a lot less heavy.

So, what's new, you ask? Let's see.

About a week ago, I got a job doing freelance at a small magazine in LaPorte (Lake Magazine). I'm pretty excited about it... but mostly just incredibly nervous. I mean... my writing is good enough for The Observer (mostly because I'm in charge of it and can print whatever I want), but is it good enough for a real magazine? With subscribers and editors and distribution areas and everything? ...I guess we'll see.

I'm still in the process of sending my resume to virtually every newspaper in the Chicagoland area (and a couple in Seattle and Bangor, just so I can say that I made some attempt to get out of this area). A cover letter is the single worst thing in the entire universe. PS.

On April 5 I have to do this reading thing... definitely *not* something to which I'm looking forward. Every year, senior creative writing majors have to present 20 minutes worth of work-- poems, fiction, non-fiction, etc-- in front of an audience. First of all... I get nervous just saying "here" during a roll call. 20 minutes?! Of being in front of people and feeling them look at me and listen to the things I've written?! Good God. But, even better, second of all... this year, as a "special treat," Nobert Krapf (an SJC alumnus who's published a book of poetry and releasing his second at the end of this month) will be joining us. He'll be reading selections from his new book of poetry while James Cochran (the other senior CW major) and I read our own things. This means a bigger audience, more pressure, fancier location (instead of the Shen Auditorium, the reading will be at the Carnegie Center this year), and, in my case at least, a lot more booze to be consumed beforehand. I already told Charley that I'd need something to calm my nerves (and a lot of that "something"), and he promised he'd bring some brandy. What a good guy :)

April 12 is the SJC Colloquium Day... definitely not as big of a deal as the CW reading, but still an instance in which I have to read in front of a crowd something I've written.

My Core 10 paper is due April 19 (20 pages about the ethics of banning books in schools.... hah....) and my 18-20-minute presentation concerning the same topic is due the following week, April 26. Wanna know how I feel about giving presentations, especially 20-minute presentations? Scroll up two paragraphs.

That very same week is the Scholarship Dinner (April 29), something I've *always* wanted to attend, and finally am able to my senior year. I've always wanted to go because I think it'd be so much fun to dress up, go downtown, and schmooze with the VIPs of the college... but this year I'm going because the jazz choir has been invited to sing. [I love singing... although I've never been able to speak my mind in front of a crowd, I've never had a problem singing in front of a packed auditorium. There's something about the height of the stage, the weight of the velvet curtains, and the spotlight blinding your eyes that's so exhiliarating... in high school, I lived for theatre and choir. Since coming here, however, I've grown less and less fond of it. Don't get me wrong-- singing is still my most favorite thing to do in the entire world, but SJC definitely has been the place to challenge that sentiment.] We're not very good. And singing at the Scholarship Dinner in front of people I've known and respected for four years isn't going to be fun if we're not going to be very good (which we won't be, I promise). Plus, Mr. Samra asked me to sing a solo... four years ago, I would have jumped at the chance and worked my ass off to sound my very best... but now I've pretty much just reluctantly accepted. I'm sure I'm making too big a deal of this whole thing, but still... I'll be a lot happier once it's over.

After the Scholarship Dinner.... that's it. I have no more academic or extracurricular committments... the only thing I have to worry about is choosing a wardrobe for the many senior events of senior weekend... events that, as a Senior Class Officer, I got to help plan, which was a very good time. Beginning the night of April 29 at the Dinner, I will most likely be drunk for the rest of my college career... I plan on binge drinking with my roommates (who will be completely done student teaching by that time and, therefore, able to socialize with me once again) straight until graduation on May 8. This is the not the post for me to get into my sentiments upon graduating. You all have that still to look forward to. :)

Then it's a week of work at the hospital back home (my last week EVER, thank GOD) and then it's 10 days of Florida with my roomies, and then it's the real world. And then Spec (the big choir to-do at my high school, my brother's senior performance... I'll probably cry more than he will!), then his graduation (again, I'm sure I'll cry more than he will), then Cortny and Bill's wedding, then Kelli and Chuck's wedding, then Timmy's and my graduation party, then Timmy leaving for college (again with the tears... just cause we fight more often than we get along doesn't mean I won't miss him... he's my only brother, come on...), then... nothing.

Nothing except 40-hour weeks, small paychecks, and working at what I'm sure will be a thankless job in Northwest Indiana. Not that I'm not excited to start the chapter of my life after college... I'm just more than a little worried that that chapter will be nonexistant. And at the number of responses my resume has generated thus far, that is a definite possibility.

Wow. That's a long one. Guess I'm more excited to be back than I originally thought :)