After a while, Time catches up with you and slaps you across the face.

Until this morning, I thought I still had plenty of time to write the New Year's resolution post I've had in mind for over two months. That was until I got to work, looked at my calendar, and saw that today is the beginning of Lent. A little late to bring New Year's back into the picture, if you ask me.

Then, later, making lunch plans with a coworker, the idea of Lent pushed its way back into the forefront of my mind: no meat. Fine - I've done the no-meat thing in the past, I can do it again, no problem. I decided to make the next 40 days meat-free in observance of the religion I haven't been so good about observing lately.

By 12:15, I was sitting in my favorite Rensselaer restaurant with the menu spread open in front of me, even though I knew I'd get the same thing I got every time: a Club sandwich. This particular establishment has the best Club sandwich I've ever had. There's nothing special about it - it's just the best. Said best Club sandwich contains turkey and bacon... a problem that didn't dawn on me until I returned to my office and, once again, glanced at my calendar and saw the words "Ash Wednesday" highlighted at the top of the March 1 box. Uh oh.

Way to enjoy your favorite meal to kick off what was supposed to be a time of suffering, Becky.

Now, I'm not so conservative in my beliefs that I think I've secured myself a warmer place in hell from eating meat today. In fact, I've only observed the no-meat rule a handful of times in my life, and only then to prove to myself that I could do it. I believe in forgiveness and personal repentance, and I believe I will be forgiven for choosing to eat meat. (Even though, this time, it was less of a personal choice than it was a stupid oversight.) I am upset with myself, though, for ruining it so early in the game - the game has barely even started yet, and I've already been benched.

What really bothers me the most is that I forgot. Twice. It took a black and white box on a desk calendar with a meaningless date printed at the top to make the lightbulb go off in my apparently absent mind. Twice.

Shopping list addition:
- Ginkgo Biloba

"Just relax and greener grass will grow here for a change."

Well, it’s now nearly midnight and I’ve yet to start my six-page Shakespeare paper that’s due tomorrow at noon. I thought I had ridden myself of the nasty habit known as procrastination, but, alas, it once again rears its ugly face. But it doesn’t matter. It’s actually last on my list of things to do. The rules of my new Worry-Free Philosophy prohibit any anxiety, and so, in compliance with myself, there will be no worrying present in Apartment 210B tonight.

What will be present, however, is gratitude. Gratitude for the happiness that I’ve been feeling lately, and gratitude for the disappearance of the life-altering indifference of a few weeks ago. I don’t really know what happened to my grumpiness and apathetic attitude, and I don’t really care. They’re gone and I feel great.

Actually, I think I do know what happened to them. I think they ceased to be when I finally accepted that even if I have no idea where my life is going, God does. Every Sunday night at Mass it’s stressed that God knows what’s best and that He has a plan for each and every one of us. Up until tonight, I’ve just said my Amens and crossed myself, accepting what the priest said but never really believing it, never truly feeling it in my heart. Tonight it just hit me: God really does work in mysterious ways.

If the events of Thursday night hadn’t happened exactly the way they did, I wouldn’t have been here this weekend and wouldn’t have had as much fun as I did with the people whom I did. I was so mad at God on Thursday for depriving me of what I thought was so damn important, but He knew exactly what He was doing, and that’s clear to me now.

It doesn’t matter that my party on Friday night was scarcely attended and disbanded rather early; the people who matter to me were there and never really left. And if Thursday hadn’t sucked so much, Friday never would have happened and I never would have come to this realization that I needed. If I had continued to compare last year’s birthday (or the friends in attendance) with this one, I would still be driving myself insane with depression right now. I am a completely different person than who I was at this time last year, and, although it’s taken me months to realize it, it’s definitely for the better.

So, for those of you who follow the current statuses of my life crises, this is the end of the one that has been plaguing me since sophomore year. I know I’ve said it before and you’ve laughed at me and my lack of willpower… but I would advise you not to laugh this time. I mean business. I’m serious about success.

It’s nice to have something new to look forward to. :)