Thursday, November 16, 2006

In order to protect the innocent...

... it is important to note that those involved in this conversation do not actually associate with people named CHET and MARJORIE.

Becky: he came up and gave me a hug, then i started to pull away when it was the proper time for a friendly hug to end.... but then he goes "oh my god, rebecca. you smell so delicious right now." and kept holding on to me. he had his face like on my neck and he was smelling my hair and perfume and stuff..... and i swear to god phil, i have no idea how i didn't just lose it right then.
Phil: that's why you need a "phil whistle", so that when this happens, you can let me know and i can silently guide MARJORIE to a different location so that i can molest her, and oh yeah, you can have your way with CHET.
Becky: so then he called MARJORIE over - still holding me - and told her to smell me. so she came up behind and smelled me (lol)... finally CHET let go and said "MANNY! come over here and smell becky." so then MANNY did the same thing, only he was wasted and it was a little freaky. then every time CHET walked by me all night, he'd smell me and want to talk about my perfume. it was the best birthday present i ever could have received.
Becky: lol is that like a rape whistle?
Becky: or when you blow into it, it plays barry manilow or something. al green, maybe.
Phil: no. more like a dog whislte, that only i can hear
Phil: hahahahahaha
Phil: or the Saved By The Bell theme song.
Becky: LOL
Becky: ......the saved by the bell theme song gets you in the mood?
Becky: fuck no. any time i'm around MARJORIE i'm in the mood. but if you needed a whistle that would get my attention, that might do it.
Becky: hahahahaha okay.
Phil: i'd be in the middle of a bass solo......HEY, IS THAT SAVED BY THE BELL??????????
Becky: i seriously think that if you guyswere ever all hanging out and drinking, etc, and you broached the topic of a 3some... there's a good chance she'd be into it.
Becky: LOL i can just imagine that..... your ears would perk up and your eyes would dart around the room, looking for the source.
Phil: yeah....but......well, not even yeah......all i know is that CHET? CHET would not be into it.
Becky: and when you finally found her, you'd jump off the stage and click your heels in the air.
Phil: hahahahaha
Phil: yes i would.
Becky: well MARJORIE's got to have a hot friend who would be.
Phil: but then that's an orgy.
Becky: CHET doesn't have to know.
Phil: wait, what?
Becky: and you're suddenly opposed to an orgy?
Phil: um.....?
Phil: watching one on video? fantastic. taking part in one? i'm not 22 anymore.
Becky: lol
Becky: sorry - forgot about the age cutoff.
Phil: however, if that's the only way i could bed MARJORIE, i'd do it. no questions asked. as long as *i* wasn't getting violated.
Becky: lol
Becky: i don't think that people use "bed" as a verb often enough.
Phil: i switched from "tag" to "bed" in that sentence.
Phil: lol
Phil: seriously, this entire thing should be a blog post. does MARJORIE read your blog?
Becky: lol "tag"... i can honestly say i've never heard that word used in that way. but i like it.
Becky: it SHOULD be a blog post. not that i know of - i don't think she has the url.
Phil: you've never head "i'd tag that"?
Becky: no! i've heard "i'd hit that" but that's it.
Phil: wow
Phil: so sheltered.
Becky: my friends and i usually say "i'd enjoy a romantic evening with 'that' where upon we commence the night by making love."
Becky: ok, i was just kidding. i really hate when people say "make love." it sounds so gay.
Phil: hahahahahahahahahaha
Phil: i know.....i usually just say "fuck", because....hey! everyone likes to say "fuck".
Becky: i agree! "fuck" is the best term you can use, i think.
Phil: but in reality, girls don't usually want to hear it as a verb when it pertains to what they might be doing in 5 minutes.
Becky: lol
Phil: so now, usually when i'm soliciting, i just get an erection, point down to it, and say "hey! you wanna hop on THIS????"
Phil: works EVERY time.
Becky: lmao
Phil: oh god, i just made myself lol.
Becky: i'm soooo glad jake isn't here right now becuase i'd have to explain to him why i'm cracking up.
Becky: "oh... no reason... just thinking of phil's dialog involving his erection..."
Phil: lol
Phil: seriously....if you have any balls at all, a large portion of this will go unedited onto your blog.
Becky: oh i'll do it.
Becky: i'll probably take out MARJORIE's name though.
Becky: i know, i know.
Phil: sigh.....
Phil: you'll also have to take CHET's name out then.
Becky: wanna give them fake names?
Becky: what's the sexiest female name?
Becky: ...winni?
Phil: chet and marjorie.
Becky: LOL seriously
Phil: hahahahaha
Phil: i know, i know.
Becky: no - now it's going to be chet and marjorie.
Phil: hahahahaha
Becky: and i think i'm going to capitalize their names every time.
Phil: at the top of the post, you MUST state that we don't actually hang out with people named chet and marjorie.
Becky: good idea.


Frema said...

This is hysterical, partly because Luke and I were talking last night and I asked him who he thought the most attractive woman on television was, and he said Jennifer Aniston from the earlier Friends seasons, and I said, "Oh, were you all like, 'I wanna hit that?'" and he said, "Tag that," and I said, "The hell?"

Also, I LOLed at Phil making himself LOL.

So. Funny. :)

Phil said...

See? Is it just a guy thing, the "tag"? I never thought twice about it.

Also, yes, Jennifer Aniston is the most beautiful woman on television. Good call, Luke. My friend Aaron Hackman had an oversized poster of the Rolling Stone cover where she's lying naked, and you can see the top half of her butt. It was amazing. Still is, but only mentally now.

I make myself LOL almost daily, but it's usually for doing things so stupid that if I saw anyone else do them, I'd have to LOL.


PS - I heart marjorie.