Dracula

Because I haven't had a lot of time to write much of anything lately but still desperately want to avoid any nasty e-mails or phone calls from Luke threatening me to blog or else... here's a post for the sake of posting. It's a funny story that my friend Mark the Actor told me the other day.

I worked with a man named Joe this summer who is a theatre professor at Clarke College in Dubuque, IA. He had a student, we'll call him Mike, who worked for a theatre company in Kansas City, MO, last summer. While working at this company, he and the rest of his company frequented a fine drinking establishment approximately a half-hour away. Another theatre company also drank at this establishment (bar, if you will) which is where our story begins.

Mike and his company were drinking with this other theatre group until the wee hours of a Saturday morning. Like 5:30 am. All parties involved were completely trashed beyond belief. This was alright for Mike's company, as they had yet to open their summer show; however, the other company had a 1pm matinee of...

"DRACULA."

The man playing Dracula had been downing all sorts of shots & mixed drinks and had not eaten since breakfast on Friday, but was having the time of his life partying at this bar. Well, he invited Mike's company to come and see their matinee of "Dracula" and promised a good time...little did they know how good a time it would truly be.

The initial set for the show had two huge metal walls that opened like sliding doors and painted on the walls was a mural of a castle...this is what the audience saw while waiting for the show to open. Fog machines created a haze and apparently it was very pretty to look at. Dracula, at the beginning of the show, flies over the audience and, at the appropriate time, the walls open and he lands on the porch of a real castle behind said walls. So the show begins...

Upon lift off, Dracula, not feeling too hot because of the mixer the night before, starts to feel a funny little gurgle in his stomach and promply vomits on the entire audience as he flies over them on his way to the stage. The stage hands back stage witness this on their monitors and forget to open the metal walls....

SPLAT...Like a bird into a pane glass window, Dracula hits the metal walls and slides down to the floor in a puddle of his own puke. By this time, a chain reaction has started in the audience and paying customers who thought they were going to see a show are now throwing up all over one another. At this time, the metal walls open...a hand pops through, grabs Dracula's flying line and drags him behind the walls, which are now closed again.

The stage manager comes out, thanks the audience for coming, hopes they all enjoyed the show, and dismisses them with a promise of a full refund.

That almost makes me think SJC's rendition of Roar of the Greasepaint, Smell of the Crowd was relatively good. I only felt like puking... I didn't actually do it.