Monday, April 04, 2005

"Change is inevitable. Growth is optional."

I can't wait until the day when I will feel comfortable refering to myself as A Writer.

I watched an episode of Sex and the City tonight, and in the 35-minute show, Carrie called herself A Writer five times. She didn't flinch when she spoke the words; she didn't even blink. She really believed it. Everytime I heard her speak aloud her comfortable title, it gave me a feeling inside that I imagine is comparable to the one Frema feels when she sees a little baby.

I just finished selecting and dropping off to Dr. Kerlin the pieces I'm going to read for Tuesday night's Senior Showcase. I've been so nervous just thinking about it that I've managed to wait until two days before the reading to choose my material. For the past week, I've been stressing about trying to finish something new for the occasion instead of ressurecting something old. Tonight, I decided to stop worrying and get down to business.

Once I started sifting through my old stuff, I started to have a little fun with it. Reading through my past four years made me realize a lot about myself and just how much I've changed and grown, not only as a student but also as a person. It also made me realize that maybe I am just a little too hard on myself at times. Some of the things I've written really are pretty good... and I'm forcing myself to read that phrase over and over again until I become comfortable with it.

Anyway, until the day when I can legitimately call myself A Writer, I'm going to work on being content with what I can call myself: a sister, a daughter, a best friend, a student, a hard worker.

I'm also going to try to keep this feeling of comfort steady until Tuesday night. It's nice to feel good about this finally... although I guess it's normal to feel okay when there's still almost two entire days till the big moment. I'm sure it'll be a different story when 7:00 rolls around on Tuesday.

If anyone's free around 6:00, I wouldn't be opposed to knocking back a few shots... maybe some wine...

Let me know.

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